From an early age we are indoctrinated to believe that to be loved and accepted others need to like you, and you are liked by simply meeting their needs and expectations.

In other words you perform for your audience.

Emotional blackmail is a frequently used tool in many relationships, not only in partnerships, but also by parents, whether their child is 7 years old or 47! It is a form of manipulation where others use your feelings as a way to make you see things their way and to force you to behave the way they want.

Looking back on my whole life I remember hearing the following: “don’t be angry; there's no need to be upset; you shouldn’t feel that way; it is rude to be like that; anger is so embarrassing and impolite”. In some cultures more than others, being upset and disappointed is appropriate while anger is socially frowned upon.

We all want to be loved and accepted, we all want and yearn to belong. And when you are alone, rejected, feeling down it can be liberating when we meet someone. So, how do you know that someone is for you? How do you know that their intentions are coming from a right place?

I’m Irma. For over 15 years I have been working with young people and adults who have been survivors of abuse.